Something to think about
by Ravenclaw's heir
Summary: It's a beautiful night at the Weasleys. The wedding of their eldest son is over and everyone's celebrating, but is it the truth? One person looks out the window and reflects on the changes going on through her life. Is she happy or not? Oneshot HHr


**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. All the copyright belongs to Warner Brothers, J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury, Scholastic, etc… I just own the way this is written, not sure if the plot cause maybe someone else has written something similar.

**A/N: **Hmm, well, this is my second story in english, another translation so I hope I didn't lose the touch in english. This is obviously a pre DH one-shot, I wrote it the day I saw the epilogue, which made me really sad, so this was a way to let it all out. Hope you enjoy it. Oh, and thanks to Stargaze3 for being my beta, much appreciated.

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**Something to think about**

Hermione sighed as she looked outside the Weasleys' kitchen window. Bill and Fleur were sharing their first dance as husband and wife in front of the guests. The bride looked ridiculously beautiful, her long silvery-blonde hair shining with the lights of the candles, her gaze locked with her husband's. Everyone watched with fascinated smiles on their faces as the couple glided on the dance floor magically conjured for the day. It looked like a window to a world free of Voldemort where the biggest concern was to get an Acceptable or being late to work. Hermione averted her eyes; all that happiness hurt her because she couldn't have any of it. She had never seen such a dark future for her, so uncertain…

Hermione liked plans and she had undoubtedly had a plan before that night she saw Harry holding Cedric's body claiming that Lord Voldemort had returned; then it all fell apart. She thought she could handle it, thought she still had some control of her life, the plan had been modified but she could fix it. And then that dreadful day at the Department of Mysteries happened. She realized then that she had so little control of her life (which she almost lost) like that of the elfin rights. She panicked; the feeling settling into her stomach and shaking all of her existence making her feel helpless regarding her very own future. It didn't disappear until the night Dumbledore died, the night Harry entered the infirmary looking like a ghost. Right then Hermione had thought she would never see him alive again after he had left them behind. She could only move to hug him tightly and wanting nothing more than to never let go of him.

Her footsteps echoed on the kitchen floor while she walked towards the living room, but before she could move more than a few steps she stopped at the kitchen door to look at the outside. Her eyes fell upon a couple sharing what looked like a very intimate moment. It wasn't Bill and Fleur, or Lupin and Tonks, not even Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, it was Harry and Ginny. They were apart from the crowd talking in a low voice while holding hands. There where shreds of tears on Ginny's eyes and Hermione saw, in utter shock, how Harry delicately wiped out her eyes with his own fingers. Hermione looked away feeling a little nauseating , though she did not why or at least that's what she told herself.

Taking a deep breath she walked over to the stairs and climbed them up one at a time with difficulty; it seemed as though her body didn't want to cooperate with her. She slipped into Percy's old room, which was empty at the moment, and sat down in front of a desk facing the window, the red and gold lights in the sky casting a magical atmosphere in it.

She had been thinking a lot the past few weeks and it hadn't been precisely about the mission that was upon them, but about the people involved in it: Harry and Ron.

She and Ron were hard to explain. There had never been something solid between them, but there had always been _something_ she couldn't deny. Last term she had been acting like a complete teenager, jealous and vindictive, and now she was ashamed of her behavior. Because of this she hadn't listened to Harry's trifling attempts to catch Malfoy wrong doing, and now she felt guilty for letting him down in the moment he most needed her the most. But Ron was the only thing she thought about, and the only person she thought of for a long time… It looked as if she were looking into someone else's life now; it seemed so far away from her own… She couldn't even believe how she'd had such a childish crush, now when things where a matter of life or death… She sighed again taking off her shoes and rubbing at her feet; she wasn't used to high heels.

Hermione looked through the window at the spot where Harry and Ginny had been moments before only to find Ginny trying in vain to stop the tears that were threatening to fall down her pale cheeks. She felt a little remorse, but it was for the best: Ginny couldn't go with them for her own good and no matter how much she insisted, she wouldn't be able to convince them (or Harry) of the contrary.

Harry… he was, at a lack of a better word, her greatest blessing and curse. If she hadn't known him she would have never probably been the way she currently was, and she thought she was a pretty decent person. But as she remembered the way he had looked that night at the infirmary she felt her whole world putting itself back together right after collapsing at the thought of never seeing him again. The only thing that occurred to her at that moment was to run and hug him.

She had never thought that her life would depend on someone, and that person was Harry. She was shocked to find he was her whole life, and his welfare was more important than hers, than Ron's… She couldn't even begin to describe how she felt on this realization, she only knew that it was the true and as much as she tried to deny it, she couldn't ignore it.

"Can I come in?" someone asked getting her out of her reverie. She looked up to find Harry standing at the doorframe, his face looking as pale as ever against his black robes, the light of the candles on the outside making him look sick. The sky was completely black.

"Sure, come in" said Hermione trying to smile but failing miserably.

"Why are you in the dark?" asked Harry taking out his wand.

"Don't!" Hermione rushed to say before Harry lit any candle in the room. "Leave it, there's enough light coming from the window."

Harry stared at her for a moment, his face inscrutable, and then he took a chair from the room and dragged it until he put it in front of Hermione and sat himself down on it.

"I was told you weren't feeling good… are you ok?" he asked, his voice full of concern. Hermione's heart skipped a beat but she ignored it.

"I'm just a little tired, I'm not used to high heels" she murmured and she pointed at the shoes with a movement of her head.

Harry looked at her thoroughly and, without notice, he took her feet and, putting them on his lap, he started to massage them.

"What are you…" began Hermione, but her protests died down her throat as the pain started to recede. She closed her eyes and slipped a little bit down the chair, letting her head fall backwards and leaving Harry continue his work.

"Is that better?" she heard Harry's voice from afar.

"Hmm" she barely whispered relaxing her whole body. It had been a long and stressful day.

"Tell me what's up with you" insisted Harry as he noticed her lower her defenses. Hermione jerked up to stare at him, only to find Harry staring right back at her in a very serious way, patiently waiting for her to confide in him (as he had done so many times in the past with her) while he continued to massage her feet.

Hermione averted her eyes, looking out the window without knowing what to say. How to confess something that she hadn't even accepted to herself? She looked askance at him and saw him waiting for her response. She weighed her possibilities and thought that, given the big chance that any of them could lose their lives at any moment, it was worth to tell the truth. Closing her eyes briefly, to gather strength, she opened her eyes again to look right at him.

"It's you" she rushed to say before she lost her nerve. "It's you what's up."

Harry looked at her mildly surprised, and then his expression was replaced with that of confusion.

"What?" he asked, unsure of having heard the right thing.

"You, Harry, it's you what's up with me" repeated Hermione with impatience, "it's you who makes me be like this."

"Me?" asked Harry still clearly confused, "what have I done to you?"

"Not like that…" said Hermione irritated. "You… well…

For the first time during their conversation she felt embarrassed, but now that she had begun she couldn't stop. She put her feet down from Harry's lap and she came closer to him, taking his hands in a very similar way to that when he was holding Ginny's minutes before. Harry looked even more confused now.

"I…" she hesitated. "I… hmm, oh, I better show you!"

"Ok" mumbled Harry somewhat doubtful and his eyes went wide when Hermione closed the distance between them with a firm kiss on his lips. A few seconds later she withdrew looking at Harry as surprised as he was looking at her.

"I…" Hermione stuttered realizing what she had just done. Harry had finally closed his mouth, but he was still looking at her like she had grown a second head.

"Why… why did you do that?" asked Harry when he finally got his voice back.

"I just… wanted you to know" answered Hermione looking down at her hands (which had, at some point, let go of Harry's hands.)

They remained in silence for a long time, the only sounds (laughter and music) coming from the backyard once in a while.

"Since when?" Harry finally asked and Hermione looked up at him. He looked more serious than ever. He didn't have to go further into his question; she understood.

"Ever since the dark mark was at Hogwarts, ever since you came into the Infirmary, but it might have been long before that, I don't know for sure."

They went silent again. A melody was brought by the wind to the bedroom and for a while it was all that could be heard.

"And… what does this mean?" asked Harry clearly confused.

"It's nothing! I just… wanted you to know, it doesn't have to mean anything, Harry "Hermione said quickly and her heart protested in her chest. Again, she ignored it.

"Oh" was all that Harry said and they just stared at each other in the darkness.

Hermione didn't know if she should smile or cry, or both. Also, she didn't know if she should stop gazing at Harry, but she didn't find a way to stop doing so. She had just told him (or rather showed him) her new feelings towards him, feelings she didn't even completely understand. Suddenly, she got up from her chair startling Harry.

"Well, I just wanted you to know" said Hermione in a mechanical way and she picked up her shoes. "I'm going to look for some more comfortable shoes…"

"Wait!" Harry jumped out of his chair and practically ran to stand in front of her. "Hmm… this isn't… _nothing _Hermione, this is…"

"What?" she asked before she could stop herself. She glanced at Harry for a while and then she sighed, disappointment filling her insides at his silence. She shrugged her shoulders and turned her back on him walking towards the door, but before she got to it Harry took her arm and made her turn to him.

"What?" she asked bitterly but she couldn't say anything else as Harry's mouth found his way all over hers. Automatically she dropped her heels and snaked her arms around him as he drew her closer to him by her waist. In that very moment she felt the slightest taste of firewhisky in his mouth, but she didn't care. She also didn't care that there was a slight chance that those very same lips had kissed Ginny's that very same night. She didn't even stop to think about Voldemort and the pieces of his soul that they had to destroy in the next few months (or years). She only cared about the fact that at that precise moment, in that dark lonely room, Harry was kissing her as if there were no tomorrow.

When the need of air was more important than that of being in each others arms, they both broke apart from their kiss, but they didn't let go completely of the other. Hermione remained with her eyes closed, wishing with all of her heart to remember that moment forever. When she finally opened them she found Harry's intense gaze on her. They didn't say anything for a while; the words weren't needed at the moment. They just stared at each other for a long time until Harry broke the silence.

"This is anything but nothing" he mumbled and Hermione giggled. They looked at each other for some more and then they loosened their grip completely. Hermione picked up her shoes again and this time she managed to get to the door. Before she went out she turned to Harry.

"What do you think it is?" asked Hermione in a soft voice.

"Something, definitely something" answered Harry with a subtle smile on his lips, but it made all the difference on his face.

"I'll see you downstairs" said Hermione smiling back at him and she left the room closing the door behind her.


End file.
